I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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