just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
