so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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