I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
