I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
