Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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