So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
