I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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