what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
