Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sext me about skeletons
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
