i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i think my cat just said my name.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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