Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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