I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I party with great urgency now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
