Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
