the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
