Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
