I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
