What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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