just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
