It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
