Just fell off a train. Bad.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
