so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sarcasm needs its own font
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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