So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
