You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
