its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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