is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
