No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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