Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize