i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
