I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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