Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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