So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
