Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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