this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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