I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
