then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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