Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
