Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
