i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
