My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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