So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
