Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science