we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.