I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.