I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette