is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
