All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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