what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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