Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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