i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize