Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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