Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
