There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
