I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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