Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
