CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
