She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
