My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
