I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
