I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
