I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
