a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...