I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.