You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.