I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?