a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.